Let the sun shine in!

My blue days are over! Mostly. Until I'm pregnant again. Or until a catastrophe hits. Or, maybe, just until after Christmas. Yes, post partum totally sucked this time around, but it's over and I feel so much better. It's like the sun has come out to stay.

It was not part of my plan to wean Price (see previous post) but I ended up having to anyway. He was tearing me up, the details of which I will not go into here. Suffice it to say, I cried every time I nursed him and in all the 6 weeks I never got past the toe-curling stage. At first I was pretty disappointed that I had to wean him so early. I really don't like it when things don't go the way I plan them. But I'm so over it and am really liking the freedom of a bottle baby. Oh, don't get me wrong, it's the most inconvenient way to feed your baby, to be sure. I'm always washing bottles and there's more to squeeze in the diaper bag. BUT it's really great when you can say to your hubby at night: "It's been a rough day and I've got a rough day tomorrow. Do you mind getting up with him tonight?" Put that together with the fact that Price only wakes up once on the other side of midnight and it's no wonder my days are looking brighter.

The 6 weeks after Price was born were really tough and seemed never ending. To be honest, I don't know how I survived the first month. But I'm really glad that I toughed it out and made the surprise decision to not go on my anti-depressant. Now that I'm on the other side of it, the time really did go by quite fast. And even though I couldn't see the light at the end of the tunnel, I'm here now and basking in its brightness.

One month down

Well, I already have one month's experience as a mom with two kids. It's been great, if you don't count the horrible post partum depression. I don't say this to garner sympathy, just to give voice to a problem that is sometimes swept under the rug. The more a topic is talked about, the less embarrassing or shameful or taboo it becomes. And I know there are other moms like me who read this blog, whether they admit to it or not...reading my blog, that is, not depression ;)

No motivation, no energy, no enjoyment, no fulfillment might sound typical of a new mom who's getting patches of sleep. Indeed, they are typical. But for me, these symptoms go beyond. It's difficult to explain it if you haven't experienced it. Thankfully, due to a series of conversations, evaluations and decisions I am feeling hopeful. And, no, I did not choose to go back on my medicine, which is a decision that surprised the heck out of me. Depression is not something I fool around with.

BUT...inspite of all that hoopla, I haven't failed to recognize the little miracle that has graced our home. Babies are something special in this house and even though I'm horribly blue it's hard to not feel grateful and somewhat cheered by the presence of my two little miracles. Price is a GOOD baby. He's not as alert or curious as Olivia was and he seems to be a bit more serious but he is just as good natured. He doesn't sleep through the night like she did (though we're hitting the five-hour stretch with more frequency) but he eats and goes right back to sleep...something Olivia never seemed to get the hang of. He cries only when he needs something and is quickly soothed.

Olivia absolutely loves her baby, so I don't have to referee anything there. The only thing I have problems with is keeping her from constantly touching him while he's asleep, lugging him around the house while he's awake and sitting smack on top of him in general. Also I'm feeling immensely better physically and I think my c-section is healing nicely, although I get really sore doing the simplest things. Today, for example, I unloaded/loaded the dishwasher, did several loads of laundry and swept. It all but wiped me out and I feel like I've done hundreds of sit-ups. It can be pretty frustrating and I constantly have to remind myself that I'm recovering from major surgery. Emotionally and mentally I may feel like my life sucks, but I'm glad to know better. I'll just have to ride this storm out and hope I can hang on to the life raft.

Olivia and Price photo shoot

I hurt too much to chase a 2-year-old down and take a picture so my sister and I schlept the kids to the photographer's the other day for Price's one month and Olivia's 2-year pictures. They turned out WAY better than I thought they would. The photographer did a good job capturing Olivia's natural looks, though she didn't leave him much choice. She wouldn't sit still long enough to smile into the camera. Oh, the stories I could tell. Needless to say, by the end of the day the pictures confirmed what I have always known to be true. My kids are the cutest kids in the universe. But I'll let y'all be the judge. Behold a few of my favorite shots.